Doug's Spanking Page

I first came to enjoy spanking when I was in my late teens. I met a much older woman who switched .. it seemed that my motorcycle leathers had turned her on - and she made all the running in the first case. She had dropped a few hints about bondage and spanking, but I hadn't really picked up on what she was saying. It was probably when I first realised how much I enjoy the discipline side of BDSM, even though for many people into spanking, they don't want to take it a lot further.

At first she tried spanking me ... which was moderately erotic, but didn't give me a big buzz .. then she suggested that I try spanking her. Immediately I discovered a very different result. First of all I discovered how much I like being on the giving, not the receiving end; what's more, it was clear that she really needed it. We started with the spanking side, but rapidly moved up the scale to more severe treatment. I was starting to find myself much more happy in the dominant rôle and she got more and more into the submissive/masochist side. Since her I have met many people who enjoy the milder side of spanking (not that it's as mild as you might think because a good spanking should really sting) and discovered that a large proportion never need or want to experience the Masochist heavy-punishment type of treatment whilst conversely, a perhaps surprising number do.

Though I spank less often nowadays, I still meet some former spanking partners from time to time and have to say that as a relaxation it's often hard to beat. I find it's erotic, particularly if it stimulates my partner, and I've had some of the most satisfying mild-discipline/erotic sessions in and around spanking activities.

I use a range of implements, varying from my hands (of course), up to and including paddles, a tawse, a rattan cane (though that's really caning of course), hairbrushes and other implements. At this level, it's important that my partner is enjoying herself too, so most of the time I will take time to check with her that it's working well for her too. Punishment beatings really come under a different heading, so for the moment, this page is more dedicated to the mild end of discipline and the pleasure that comes from moderate spanking.

Every situation is different naturally enough, but I've encountered more confusion with new spanking partners than most other forms of out-of-the-mainstream activity. When I've initiated it then I can maintain control; if my partner has never been spanked before but has been intrigued by discussions of it then the initial stages are easy to manage and the same goes for mild chastisement or punishment spankings. If the partner has been spanked before and is aroused enough by it to want to do it again, beware! You need to set the stage with care if you want to avoid misunderstandings.

People come to spanking for a great variety of reasons. If you are lucky they will know which ones work for them but many more aren't sure themselves and you need experience, confidence and psychological insight to get the best out of it. And it doesn't help when you discover that there's usually a little of most of the reasons all mixed in together. With women in particular it has been my experience that the motivations can change daily or even minute by minute during a session. To avoid misunderstanding you really do need to negotiate in advance how far things should be taken and what kind of situation is expected.

Here are some of the motivations I've discovered and my notes on each of them. I must emphasise that these are not exclusive and you are most likely to encounter a mix of all of them in each person you meet who finds spanking is a turn-on.

• Slightly submissive: hardly anyone isn't turned on occasionally by taking a submissive part in a relationship. When someone else takes control you are released from ordinary cares, you can stop thinking for yourself and let go emotionally and spiritually. There are lots of people who would never normally consider themselves submissive who enjoy letting go from time to time.
• Erotic pain lover: we all enjoy erotic sensations; the brush of a tongue, a caress, a stroke, tickling, light spanking, mild spanking - you follow my argument I am sure. The graduation of those sensations goes from mild to moderate to strong to severe, the point at which each of us lives on that continuum varies from time to time and by inclination. Pain that might alarm you out of context can arouse and please you in a different one. Notably different from Masochism, which embodies a need for pain and suffering, erotic pain is sexual and stimulated by different levels of pain depending on circumstance and emotional state.
• Rôle player: I have lost count of the number of people who enjoy playing power roles or exploring the eroticism inherent in various situation. Schoolroom spanking is a classic but there are many others. Setting up the situation with care, acting out the rôles and playing a part is almost always fun. For the effort you put in (setting the scene in advance, dressing the part, staying in character) you will get corresponding pleasure out of it. Do it properly, take it seriously!
• Anticipator: anticipators love the fear, fright and anticipation that leads up to the situation. They may love the thought of the pain and the shame that is to come, they will enjoy thinking about it after the event, but if you ask them during the session you may well find that they aren't enjoying it at all. But if you lighten up and don't spank properly then you deny them the pleasure that comes after and spoil the anticipation of the next session.
• Humiliatee: humiliation may be wrapped up with submission, it may call upon hidden well-springs of emotion that lie untapped in normal life but which yearn for release or it may simply be an enjoyable feeling all of its own. Having to undergo a painful spanking, especially if it's coupled with awkward or embarrassing situations is an excellent way of reaching this emotional undercurrent.
• Closet Masochist: Masochists need to suffer. Their route may be via pain, degradation, humiliation, discomfort, embarrassment or other more devious paths. There is a little of it in all of us, it's unhealthy to be purely a hedonist always taking the easiest or most comfortable approach to life. Mountain climbers, endurance runners, highly motivated businessmen and women are all examples of people who undergo discomfort to reach a higher goal. Are they driven by the same urges that motivate the Masochist? In my view there is an element of that in all of us. Some of us express it in different ways from the rest, that's all.
• Attention seeker: I have encountered a degree of this in every submissive, Masochist and spankee that I've ever met. We all of us love the attention of others, especially from authority figures. What can be a greater demonstration of attention than the feel of a palm landing hard on your buttocks, with words whispered in your ear telling you what is happening to you, what will happen next?
• Thrill seeker: being out of control, not knowing what will happen next, putting yourself in dangerous situations- why else race cars, bungee jump, go white water rafting? The term 'adrenaline rush' is a cliché but no less valid for that. If you know that a situation will involve pain and discomfort but volunteer for it anyhow, that's understable surely?

Be very careful with an experienced spanker. By no means all of them want or need any sexual content to the experience. You must discuss that in advance as well as safe words or signs that they need you to lighten up or stop. It's better to underdo the scene with someone you don't know well than to take it too far and freak them out. For those who do want to follow spanking with sexual activity you can expect a very enjoyable experience indeed, arousal plus endorphins (nature's painkillers) beats most recreational drugs like four aces against a pair.

Links

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• Jane's spanking forum you will need to be a member of Yahoo to see this, but it's a chat and interest forum for those (particularly in the UK) with a spanking interest.

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• Spanking Digest predominantly subscription-based spanking stuff

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